Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Let's Keep This Our Little Secret

I'm addicted to The Biggest Loser. 

I have watched it since the very first show.  At first it was just a curiosity but after the first show, I was hooked.  The naked emotions shown by the contestants ripped my heart out week after week.  TBL, for me, was my weekly emotional release.  Then I really started paying attention to each individual's battle.  I learned that weight was not the underlying issue for their unhappiness - it was the hidden reasons for their massive weight gains.  I was not thin at this time but still at a very healthy and attractive weight.  Watching as an outside observer was more an exercise for my mind than anything else.

Then my marriage was suddenly over.  My ex found someone half his (and my) age and that was the end of me.  I was devestated.   While I have always tried to capture my emotions on paper, I'm really lousy at talking to others about them so I kept my hurt inside.  I needed comfort.  I turned to food. 

Me, a formerly confident, vibrant, funny woman turned into one of those people who would sit on the couch and eat potato chips while watching others deal with their disappointments and demons every Tuesday night on TBL.  I would get so mad at myself that I called myself all kinds of names and felt so bad about what I had just done that I'd go into my (formerly junk-stocked) kitchen and find something else to eat. I ended up gaining 40 pounds in a year and have been carrying that extra weight around for the last five years.

Like the contestants on TBL, I had to figure out why I kept myself fat.  It was hard, and I didn't like what I saw once I came to the truth about myself but I've come to accept that I have disappointments and demons inside me just like everyone else.  I don't need or care to share them here but suffice it to say that I've turned my soul inside out and it's much better being me now.

I've joined a gym and even contracted for a personal trainer.  I've learned all kinds of exercise methods but motivation had in the past been a problem for me.  One big thing I learned:  there are no shortcuts, you just have to exercise, and do it regularly.  So I do.  Monday is my trainer workout, Wednesday night is the kickboxing class, Thursday night it's weights and then the elliptical machine in the dark movie room, and Friday is usually a quick, lighter workout.    I do have one exercise secret that I'll share with you.  Tuesday night and the Biggest Loser.  Yep - join me at the gym every Tuesday night from 8:00-10:00 for a two hour workout on the treadmill.  Bring your water bottle!  Seriously, I walk at a fast pace and then run during every commercial break.  I hate running and truly dread when the commercials come on but I push myself through it and two minutes later, huffing and puffing, the show is back on.  Guess I should also remind you to bring your ear buds so you can watch the show for inspiration while you're walking. 

Next Tuesday, if you're at my gym from 8:00-10:00, look for me.  I'll be the one with TBL on the TV; the one with the red face, huffing and puffing but by-God doing it!  I'll look for you as well and if we notice we're watching the same show, let's nod and smile and acknowledge how good we are being to ourselves.  We know we are winning our battle of the bulge.  We know we are building our internal confidence with each step we take.  We know that like the contestants on The Biggest Loser, we will conquer our demons. 

Tuesday and The Biggest Loser is a wonderful motivator for me and and I hope it will be for you, too.  So there you go...I've shared my little secret with you.  Others will come to it when they are ready but I'll look for you next Tuesday!


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